Best Pizza In Portland: Rules and Regulations

Because I am a chubby nerd, I think it was only time before Nancy Nevada Boucher conducted a systematic study of all of the pizza in Portland, ME to find the truly best pizza.  Portland is very much a pizza town, and there is incredibly strong competition between the establishments.  Thus, this is a very important and socially/culturally relevant study that should be awarded lots of grants.

First, the contenders.  Please inform me if I have left out any essentials, but for the time being, the nominees are:

Pizza Joint

Otto’s

Leonardos

Bonobo

Stavros

Portland Pie Company

Anthony’s

Silly’s

Flatbread

Portland House Of Pizza

Samuel’s

Pizza Time

Pat’s Pizza

Pizza Villa

RULES : The only topping I can have is cheese.  To grade this fairly, I must be only looking at the most basic of standards.  However, ANY KIND OF CHEESE IS PASSABLE.  Meaning I can get Pizza Villa’s deluxe cheese.  Meaning I can get Otto’s Ricotta Pizza.  This is bending the rules a bit, but I view it as restaurants being creative with the basics.

THE PIZZA PLACE HAS TO HAVE A WEBSITE!  This is possibly just for my clarification purposes as I sit at home on Wednesday night at midnight constructing the official list of pizzas to try in Portland.

The standards are: 1) Smell 2) Appearance 3) Crust 4) Sauce 5) Cheese.  Price and what you get for your money will obviously be factored into the overall review.  Furthermore, the aesthetic of the pizza will be considered.  For example, a nice thin crust pizza with a super oregano-y sauce and perfect cheese distribution is great for when you are all sober and junk.  But sometimes, a goopy, disgusting pile of grease and cheese is what your drunkass needs.  For that reason, I will be considering the aesthetic of a pizza – whether it’s “date” pizza or “I hope no one attractive sees me eating this” pizza.

Each category will be rated on a 1-5 scale.  These numbers will be averaged together.  The final analysis and experience will be also rated on a 1-5 scale.  This will include such factors as price, atmosphere, pizza aesthetic, etc. It will then added to the previous 5 to create a 1-10 final rating scale.